I saw a quote that said “make your biggest pain your offering.” So y’all are getting chronic depression and my sheer inability to “niche down” and finish projects.
Today I’m talking about the latter. I have too many interests, get bored easily, and have immense trouble following through on projects.
In my case, it’s classic ADHD. I went undiagnosed for years and now see this as the biggest sign I missed. I’m always looking for the shiny squirrel. That’s a saying, right?
It's actually demoralizing
Having “too many” interests feeds the chronic depression because I’m never making the traction I wish I was. I’m not hitting goals I set and plan for. Hell, I can’t even follow a self-made schedule. I’m often not very proud of myself, because I don’t give myself a lot to be proud of.
This, of course, is not entirely true, so before I summon your automatic pity I will clarify some things:
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I have written and published two books (no longer published, please don’t go look for them).
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I have written, recorded, and released a full length album. Link here.
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I have made ties and bowties for special projects that brought in decent $.
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I have done craft fairs as a small business owner.
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I did make art for my favorite diner in Vancouver and no big deal but when Guy Fieri filmed there you can see my art behind him on Diners Drive-ins and Dives.
(My paintings are on the left and you can see some in the mirror in between Chad Kroeger and Guy. Really love sharing a screen with Guy Fieri.)
All this to say that having multiple interests has been an overall benefit to me.So why am I so hard on myself?
Because these projects always just…stop.
Sometimes, that’s ok. It’s ok to stop something that is no longer lighting you up. Making ties and bowties was not a forever gig for me and I have no regrets about letting that one slip away.
But I do wish I’d painted more, and I wish I’d written more. I wish I hadn’t stopped at just a few art sales, and I wish I hadn’t stopped at publishing two books. I wish I’d kept making videos instead of having the 4 year hiatus that I had, followed by another 2 year hiatus.I was on to the next interest, or, worse, no interest. Lots of ideas never got off the ground at all.
It's embarrassin'!
I worry I’ll be perceived as non-committal, lazy, a loser. That I’m just an airy fairy artist who should buckle down with a 9-5 and focus on making these things hobbies. I’m hurting my own feelings even thinking that anyone (and mainly me) could think that about myself.
I think it’s time I be open about this. I started a Substack publication about ghosts and haunted tourism and I’m already a little bored. I don’t want to stop because I can’t bear to keep stopping. But I need somewhere to share everything else.
And no, I can’t niche down. I can’t simply just pick. Please don’t fight me on this or I’ll cry. I’m turning 35 this year. I’ve tried. I worked relentlessly in my 20’s to “find my niche.” I’m not fucking finding it, ok? I’m getting defensive in my fake argument with you.
I have rebranded my social media and website and YouTube so many stupid times. I want to stop. I want to just live my life and enjoy all my interests, big and small.
I like ghosts and donuts and painting and hockey. I’m really into bookbinding and sign painting right now. I don’t want the pressure for any of those things to be the one thing I share with the world.
I’ve really been so hard on myself about this. I’m ready to embrace the beauty of liking all sorts of things. I’m ready for my “brand” to be that - Brandy Loves A Lot of Things. I know that from an actual branding perspective, that won’t exactly work, but here’s an example:
Case Study: My idol, Christine McConnell
Known for her gothic DIY crafts and home renovations, Christine has achieved her success through her intense curiosity and wide skillset in: sewing, painting, home renovation, crafting, baking, and more. While her “brand” is fairly singular in that everything has a certain look and fits a spooky/gothic/retro aesthetic, she didn’t get there from just being a painter or just redecorating her home.
Guys, she made a Valentine’s Day chocolate box made to look like it was sewn from human skin. She made her own molds for the chocolate. (I did look for this video to share the link but she must have taken it down). She re-made a lampshade for an antique lamp and, as unexciting as it sounds, it’s one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen in my life. The woman isn’t real.
Who knew I could care so much about a lampshade.
Christine and I are two very different people but we have a similar creative heart. She follows her gut, her next interest, and finds the skills along the way to make it happen. Her “brand” is simply that she likes making beautiful stuff that looks haunted.
As I sit here with a blinking cursor, wondering how I would describe my “brand” that simply, I can’t. I don’t know. I was always too busy trying to pick. Is it that I like art? That I like ghosts? That I like journaling? That I’m gay? (I’m kidding).
Should I be more like Christine McConnell and share all of my shit? Even if I can’t tie it up into as neat of a bow as she can?
It’s a special gift to have lots of interests. It comes with an unwavering curiosity, a penchant to learn new things all the time, and a full toolbox of skills. It’s also handy when it’s time to make gifts for loved ones :)
I want to live my life, make cool art, and try new things. I want to make series paintings, make my own notebooks, make videos about ghosts, learn sign painting, and share it all with you.
Love me for all of it, will ya?